Healthy sex: what is it? What healthy sex boils down to is respect. Each partner has different goals and boundaries so communication is key. Many people have notions of what a healthy sexual relationship is like and they all have nuggets of truth within them. A healthy sexual relationship revolves around consent. Consent comes in many different flavors, but without it there shouldn’t be any action. Bottom line: yes means sexy time is permissible; a no means that they do not wish to partake in sexy time. Simple as that!
Now, there are different layers of consent as well. A person has the power to withdraw consent whenever they feel like it for any reason- or no reason. People are creatures with optimal communication receptors so use them. A person can say yes to vaginal intercourse but not oral intercourse, or visa versa. No one should be pressured into anything they are not comfortable with. Verbal consent is necessary. In my personal experience if I am in an uncomfortable position and feel endangered I might not say “no” outright- my body language might communicate the idea of “no” as well. There is no excuse not to ask for consent- consent is 100% sexy and never awkward.
What healthy sex is defined as changes person to person. For me, healthy doesn’t mean quantity of sex or sexual partners but the steps I ensure into making sex a safe and wonderful experience. A healthy sex life doesn’t necessarily mean that you have multiple partners, a colorful past, or that you are into kinky stuff. Really talk to your partner- nothing sucks more than doing the guesswork when it comes to pleasing another person physically. There still can be mystery in the bedroom but make sure that the mystery isn’t whether the person wishes to partake or not.
My husband and I still ask for consent and we have been together for years now. Any sexual or intimate action needs consent, period. This is practicing healthy sex.
Another way to maximize good healthy sex is to always protect yourself. I know, you are tired of hearing the saying “don’t be silly, wrap your willy,” but it is the truth for all circumstances. My husband and I have a closed intimate relationship, but we still have the protection of an IUD against any unwanted pregnancies. If you don’t want to get pregnant use protection. Also, if you don’t want any STDs use protection. It is a simple but crucial step.
Healthy sex and a healthy sexual relationship relays on communication, boundaries, and sharing common goals. Boundaries are necessary when having sex or sculpting a sexual relationship. There are people who are comfortable with anything and there are those who strictly will not perform some acts. Good communication to set boundaries, especially in role play or bondage, can enhance a sexual experience without making anyone feel uncomfortable. A safe word is always a good start, my husband and I have one- just in case! Goals are valuable way to create an experience that everyone in satisfied in. My goal is usually to make my husband comfortable and ensure that he feels safe. It can start with something as small as that. Everyone wants to feel safe and to feel like their needs are being met.
One of my needs is that I have to be warm- there is nothing worse than that chill coming in from the window next to the bed when I am trying to seduce my husband! All windows closed and blanket on…to begin with.